FEATURE - The distance between life and death

TEXT_ Cheryl Iao/Pheobe Ho
PHOTOS_Cheryl Iao/Pheobe Ho
ILLUSTRATOR_Lao On On

In Chinese community, discussion on life and death is a taboo and people are rather conservative concerning this issue. Living in a peaceful era, death seems so far away from our daily life. Yet it is an unavoidable thing that we need to face one day, for it is the last stop in one’s life. In this issue, we will bring you a number of works on the subject of life and death education, in which the authors wrote about their experiences and feelings. Through these writings, we try to deliver that all human beings are doomed to return to dust again. We also wish to provide a better understanding of life and death, and savour the present.

Birth, old age, sickness and death are the normal cycle of life. No matter who you are, you will always have to face the departure of your loved ones. When Macao artist, Mika Lee, learnt of her grandmother’s illness, she decided to leave her job and take up the responsibility of being a full-time caregiver to accompany her through her last days. Later, she wrote a book about her experience, Gung Lou, to promote the idea of “life without regret”.

“It is not just about me and my grandmother’s story, but also about something that people may overlook and find difficult to talk about, which is about life and death. I hope that Gung Lou can become a tool for people who share the same experience as me and I hope they find the book comforting and helpful.” Focusing on three major topics, i.e. cancer and its medical treatment seeking, caregivers and death, this book discusses the topic of life and death, which we must face in life. I hope that after reading my book, we can cherish the time we have with our families, and leave ourselves with no regrets.

Mika Lee believes that everyone needs to learn about life and death, “Even though we don’t know which will come first, tomorrow or death, we can be proactive in our thoughts and actions to prepare for it. Even if we are not facing a family member passing away, we need to know that we all will come to the end of our life one day, though we don’t know whether it will be sooner or later. In Macao, we are more conservative and avoid talking about death, but if I leave one day, how should my estate be distributed? How should my funeral be done? It would be pitiful if my wishes were not known. So now, when I do extreme sports or go on a trip, I always tell my family how to handle my death in case anything happens.” Lee recalls that she used to avoid talking about death, but during her time with her grandmother, she began to think about the meaning of life and death, and went from struggling to open and finally to relief, turning her pain into nourishment and cherishing the present moment. She concluded that cherishing the present moment is the most important and profound lesson that life and death could teach us.

By recording the moments with her great-grandmother, Mika Lee encourages us to cherish what we have and to love people around us.

Having worked as a fitness instructor and stage actor for many years, Clark Cheung never imagined he would have cancer before he was 33 years old, let alone when he found out the cancer was in stage 4. Faced with this sudden and terrible news, he wanted to give up his treatment at first, but then he realised that what he was doing was just an unwillingness to face his fears and ignore the people who cared for and loved him, “It’s easy to give up and say no, but it’s hard to persevere.” In this battle against cancer, Clark Cheung chose to face it with optimism and regard the difficulties he faced as “intense fitness training”, urging him to persevere.

In fact, although Macao has a relatively well-developed medical system to provide appropriate treatment for patients, there is still a lack of psychological counselling services for patients in the process of treatment. “When one grows older, they will face death more and more often. During this year, people around me passed away one after another, and at that time I was still undergoing chemotherapy. I became very emotional and cried a lot.”

Death is an inevitable topic in our life and people often fear to face it. As such, Clark Cheung hopes to use his voice and strength to help more people facing similar situations and encourage them to confront the hardships with courage. “The ‘mindset’ is probably the most critical issue faced by patients with serious illness. Maintaining a positive mindset in facing illness usually makes treatment smoother and it is beneficial for recovery.”

Not only did he choose to face his illness directly, but he also used his strength to bring positive energy to the community during his treatment, and was later invited to give a talk on “setbacks” and “life and death”. “I remember when I was a guest speaker for the first time, I was still drip-feeding, and when the university students in the audience saw me, they said the confusion they were facing in life and the pressure to graduate were not a problem. I also chatted with people suffering cancer and I was proud of the fact that I managed to enlighten them to undergo treatment in the process.”

Clark Cheung hopes to break the stereotypical image of seriously ill patients and provide them with more spiritual support

As time progresses, people gradually become willing to talk about topics related to life and death and there are some scholars working hard in this wilderness to provide a life and death course for the children in Macao. In 2013, Kiang Wu College of Nursing（KLCN）launched its first systematic course on life and death education, and KLCN Professor Zhu Ming Xia became the first professor in charge of the course. She believed that compared with other Chinese communities nearby, Macao was left behind in life and death education. They not only lacked systemic scientific approach but also native textbooks on life and death education. In view of this, Zhu decided to publish Love Life Love Action, a book that addresses the topic of death from a different perspective.

The life and death education programme includes lectures on the concept of death and related topics, group discussions and “death experience” activities. The diverse teaching and learning activities give students an opportunity to reflect on and construct an understanding of life and death from their own experiences. Zhu Ming Xia said, “I asked the students to imagine death and funeral planning in the classroom.” They answered me with a simile “I want to wear a wedding dress.” “I want it to be held in the forest.” “I want to die at a journey.” Then I continued to ask, “what to do then? Who would help with the ‘aftercare’? “Then they continued to think about how to prepare for the next step.”

To date, life and death education in Macao has witnessed some progress. Zhu Ming Xia said that at this stage, apart from teaching, research and social services conducted by the Kiang Wu College of Nursing, other universities in Macao have also organized seminars and keynote speeches on life and death education. This means that the patient has the right to decide on his or her own medical treatment in a written document, while conscious and informed, and that it has legal effect. “In nearby Chinese communities, for example, the legislation was enacted in Taiwan in 2016, and in Hong Kong, though there is no legislation, the Hospital Authority has made relevant regulations. However in Macao there are no such regulations. Therefore, beside establishing a correct individual value on life and death, the education also plays a key role in promoting the legislation of ‘advance directives’.”

Professor Zhu Ming Xia is committed to promoting life and death education in Macao, and she hopes to set a Life Experience Centre in the future as the best way to promote it to the public.