Everyone of us is going to die one day. As a matter of fact, each day of our life is countdown towards death, but in Chinese culture, we are often told that it is inauspicious to talk or think about death. As human beings, do we spend enough time reflecting on why we are so afraid of the topic and how our lives could change if we are actually mentally comfortable with the matter?
Respected Buddhist teacher, Frank Ostaseski, is the author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can teach Us About Living Fully. In his book, he gives us instructions on how to use the notion and the emotions we feel towards death to live more fully and to better interact with others, creating a life of meaning and purpose.
Divided into five parts, which includes “Don’t Wait,” “Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing,” “Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience,” “Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things,” “Cultivate Don’t Know Mind,” the book serves as a guide which allows us to be more aware of the preciousness of life and teaches us ways to deal with personal losses, illnesses and difficulties that we have might already encountered or will face in the future.
In the first part of the book, Ostaseski urges us to find elements that we are grateful in life and do not wait to express feelings because life does not last forever. Being in the present is also important because if one dwells in the past or constantly thinks about the future, quality time during the present might be lost, which could cause regret in the future. He writes, “Instead of pinning our hopes on a better future, we focus on the present and being grateful for what we have right now. We say ‘I love you’ more often because we realise the importance of human connection. We become kinder, more compassionate, and more forgiving. Don’t wait is a pathway to fulfilment and an antidote to regret.” Ostaseski points out that constant change is a fact for everyone, but its inevitability could open doors to new possibilities. It is healthy to have hope while not clinging to results or outcomes and forgiveness is like “setting down a hot coal we have been carrying in our hand.”
“Welcome everything, push away nothing” is a section where Ostaseski invites us to explore our tolerance for the unknown, as death can be a mystery to us, certain situations in life could be as well. He explains, “In welcoming everything, we don’t have to like what is arising. It’s actually not our job to approve or disapprove. The word welcome confronts us; it asks us to temporarily suspend our usual rush to judgment and to simply be open to what is happening. When we are open and receptive, we have options. We are free to discover, to investigate, and to learn how to respond skilfully to anything we encounter.”
“Bring Your Whole Self to the Experience” suggests that in life there is joy in serving others. Nobody is perfect and it is essential that we see life as a whole and not just the bright side of things. Ostaseski points out, “We all like to look good. We long to be seen as capable, strong, intelligent, sensitive, spiritual, or at least well adjusted. We project a positive self-image. Few of us want to be known for our helplessness, fear, anger, or ignorance, or that sometimes we are more of a mess than we’d like to admit. To be whole, we need to include, accept, and connect all parts of ourselves. Wholeness does not mean perfection. It means no part left out.” The writer reveals that one must not over-identify with our own ego and setting expectations about how life should be might close the doors to many possibilities available that we might not have thought of in the past.
“Find a Place of Rest in the Middle of Things” is a lesson now how we could find rest in every moment, because it is always available to us. “We often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything else in our lives is complete: at the end of the day, when we take a bath; once we go on holiday or get through all our to-do lists. We imagine that we can only find rest by changing our circumstances. This place of rest is always available to us. It is a choice — a choice to be alert, to bring your attention to this moment,” Ostaseski says. Our lives might be busy, but it is how our mind interacts with the world that defines our experience. Therefore, when we are mindful and aware in present moment, we will find rest in every instant.
The last part of the book, “Cultivate Don’t Know Mind,” looks at ways where being aware of our own ignorance could spark surprises in our daily lives. Just like a child, we could look at our surrounding with a fresh pair of eyes when we let go of the preconceptions that we have developed in our adulthood. Ostaseski explains, “Cultivate don’t know mind may seem confusing at first. Why should we seek to be ignorant? Don’t know mind is one characterised by curiosity, surprise, and wonder. It is receptive, ready to meet whatever shows up as it is. Don’t know mind is an invitation to enter life with fresh eyes, to empty our minds and open our hearts.”
We human beings and other living entities in this world will not be alive forever. Being constantly aware of our immortality brings us closer to the truth that everything exist is impermanent and therefore change and cessation is inevitable, but how our mind defines life and its meaning totally depends on us. With constant awareness, expectations lessen and suffering also diminishes. When one reaches the point where every circumstance becomes blissful, death is no longer something to be afraid of.